That's Me - Tara MacLean

That’s Me
Written by Tara MacLean
The Song- Written in 1994 (at the age of 21) about a moment when I really needed to take a look at myself and ask myself who I really was.  I had fallen apart and hit bottom. This song was my self portrait. I was beginning to see my patterns that were emerging as a result of a tumultuous childhood. I was self destructive, self sabotaging and I was wrestling with all my demons. That was before I learned to make friends with them. I wanted to revisit this song as the woman I am now, and see if I could break some of those deeply ingrained patterns that I was still catching glimpses of. We lowered the key, and approached it with more maturity and perspective.

It was the first song I got into a movie soundtrack called Kissed, and then I sang it in the Jerry Bruckheimer film Coyote Ugly where I had a cameo. No matter how many years have gone by, this song reminds me how far I’ve come, and also how I have stayed the same. 

“Caught on the floor now
This bottle in my hand
In the confusion
It seemed the safest place to land”

Produced and mixed by Daniel Ledwell
Mastered by Archive Mastering
Vocals- Tara MacLean
Guitars/Bass/Synth/Piano- Daniel Ledwell
Drums- Michael Belyea
Violin/Viola- Kinley Dowling
Cello- Natalie Williams-Calhoun
BG Vox- Jenn Grant, Kinley Dowling, Catherine MacLellan, Tara MacLean, Harmony Wagner, Alicia Toner, Sheldon Elter, Kristi Hansen

Published by Sony Music Publishing Canada
Distributed by Warner Music
Released on turtlemusik

The Video- This video was essential for me to make in order to have a personal breakthrough. I always loved to dance, but after an assault I began to dissociate from my body and I had no recall when it came to movement.  I worked with Sublunar Films to come up with a concept where I would dance, on camera, but with the support of two master movement artists. In the video, they represent the male and female aspects of the psyche getting back into balance. In a kind of dream sequence, we work together in the liminal space to free me from the the past and help me see the true beauty again, to feel safe to inhabit my body. In the video, we witness me weeping on the floor as I dance through the fear using the music to move the pain through me. In the process I learned that my body is sacred and cannot be desecrated, and that nothing was taken from me after all. There are so many symbols in the video that relate to my memoir, Song of the Sparrow (HarperCollins); the window, the flowers, the corset. This video represents the reclamation of beauty and innocence as well as the deepening of wisdom.

Directed and edited by Deanna Milligan and Ramsey Fendall
A Sublunar Films Production
Steadicam by Guochen Wang
DOP Ramsey Fendall
Dancers Naomi Jason and Sashah Klapkiw
Hair and Make-up by Melanie Baird and Julia Kathinka
Costumes by Langham Court Costume Loft
Body Suit from On Point in Charlottetown
Special Thanks to:
Additional childhood footage by Pat Matel
Picture Car by Stephen Pearson
Catering by Lidia PearsonLocation by Ceridwen Ross Collins
Flower Blindfold inspiration from Laura Makabresku’s Photo series
Flowers by Oak Bay Flowers
Behind the Scenes- Zandra Stratford
Filmed on Salt Spring Island at the Wild Seed Church, Chantilu Farm and Sublunar Films in Victoria, BC

This project is funded in part by FACTOR, the Government of Canada and Canada’s private radio broadcasters.
Ce projet est financé en partie par FACTOR, le gouvernement du Canada et les radiodiffuseurs privés du Canada.

Funded by Music PEI with additional project funding by Sony Music Publishing, The Transformation Foundation and turtlemusik