Bring me me pipe, call for me wife
Pass my boots and I’ll be satisfied,
with me pipe in me mouth, wife in me arms
And me boot up the landlord’s backside
I lead a peaceful life, I’m the unobtrusive type
I live for my ever-loving wife and my evil-smelling pipe
Though my darling loves me well, she often heaps abuse
on me pipe and its poxy smell, but me pipe has got its usefulness
For when our huffing, puffing landlord calls upon us
Crushing our humble privet under his Jag
I light my pipe and I defy his bluster
By blowing billows of my blackest shag
Up his Homburg
Bring me me pipe, call for me wife
Pass my boots and I’ll be satisfied,
with me pipe in me mouth, wife in me arms
And me boot up the landlord’s backside
And after my supper I like to enjoy matrimonial bliss
I retire to the sofa with me pipe and dally with my missus
But my little wife protests, my little wife asserts
she could kiss me with a lot more zest if I took me pipe out first
But when our narrow-eyed landlord comes to call upon us
Prodding our garden gnome with his walking stick
I tap him in the chest with me pipe stem, confidentially
And watch my black tobacco juices trickle
Down his mohair
Bring me me pipe, call for me wife
Pass my boots and I’ll be satisfied,
with me pipe in me mouth, wife in me arms
And me boot up the landlord’s backside
And at the end of the day, I sit up in bed and I smoke
Peacefully puffing away till me wife has finished her cocoa
But my little wife protests that smoking in bed incurs
Burn marks on my chest, and a few too many on hers
But when our smirking landlord comes to call upon us
I can look him straight in his moustache
Remaining ever so calm and ever so courteous
And ever so gently knocking out me ash on
His Hush Puppies
Bring me me pipe, call for me wife
Pass my boots and I’ll be satisfied,
with me pipe in me mouth, wife in me arms
And me boot up the landlord’s backside
Pass my boots and I’ll be satisfied,
with me pipe in me mouth, wife in me arms
And me boot up the landlord’s backside
I lead a peaceful life, I’m the unobtrusive type
I live for my ever-loving wife and my evil-smelling pipe
Though my darling loves me well, she often heaps abuse
on me pipe and its poxy smell, but me pipe has got its usefulness
For when our huffing, puffing landlord calls upon us
Crushing our humble privet under his Jag
I light my pipe and I defy his bluster
By blowing billows of my blackest shag
Up his Homburg
Bring me me pipe, call for me wife
Pass my boots and I’ll be satisfied,
with me pipe in me mouth, wife in me arms
And me boot up the landlord’s backside
And after my supper I like to enjoy matrimonial bliss
I retire to the sofa with me pipe and dally with my missus
But my little wife protests, my little wife asserts
she could kiss me with a lot more zest if I took me pipe out first
But when our narrow-eyed landlord comes to call upon us
Prodding our garden gnome with his walking stick
I tap him in the chest with me pipe stem, confidentially
And watch my black tobacco juices trickle
Down his mohair
Bring me me pipe, call for me wife
Pass my boots and I’ll be satisfied,
with me pipe in me mouth, wife in me arms
And me boot up the landlord’s backside
And at the end of the day, I sit up in bed and I smoke
Peacefully puffing away till me wife has finished her cocoa
But my little wife protests that smoking in bed incurs
Burn marks on my chest, and a few too many on hers
But when our smirking landlord comes to call upon us
I can look him straight in his moustache
Remaining ever so calm and ever so courteous
And ever so gently knocking out me ash on
His Hush Puppies
Bring me me pipe, call for me wife
Pass my boots and I’ll be satisfied,
with me pipe in me mouth, wife in me arms
And me boot up the landlord’s backside
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